DreeTV

An Education

2011-10-13T13:23:00.001-04:00

"An Education" is the 2009 movie that made the adorable Carey Mulligan a star.

As it's a most convenient categorization, the film is a "coming-of-age" story about a 16-year-old girl who gets swept off her feet by an older man. She's raised in a strict household where her father has impressed upon her that getting accepted to Oxford is the reason she's alive. But seeing the value in that education gets harder when this charming older man takes her places she's always wanted to see and teaches her things she's always dreamed of experiencing.

But the film left me with two things:

1. At one point, Carey's character argues with the headmistress of her school. She asks her to justify why she should get an education in order to obtain some hard, boring job when she can just marry Prince Charming and keep enjoying her taste of the good life?

"It's not enough to educate us anymore; you've got to tell us why you're doing it...It's an argument worth rehearsing. Someone else might want to know the point of it all one day."

The movie's set a few decades earlier, but clearly, a lot of people are having similar doubts today. When things went awry, as those sorts of situations tend to do, she again decides that getting an education will be the key to reaching her dreams:

"The life I want, I see there is no shortcut," she said.

Yeah, I don't know if I agree with that statement. If George Clooney pulled up right now I'd jump on the back of that motorcycle. No introductions necessary.

2. I enjoyed the movie a lot, partly because I found myself surprised at the way things unfolded. Actually, it was just what you'd expect: The man had a wife and family all along. So here's where I tell on myself: If this had been a Tyler Perry movie, I would have suspected that all along. "I knew it!" I would've said. So why didn't I find that plot turn cliche in this movie? Hmmmm....

New (old) Music

2011-10-08T18:56:00.000-04:00

Because all "new" music is old to someone, apparently.

If you've ever shopped at the retailer that employs me, you should know we play some pretty kick-a$$ music. This song is among them, I think. I had to stop what I was doing to go in the backroom and look at the digital playlist box-thingy that shows the title and artist. I'm weird; I've worked there nearly two years off and on. I literally hear the same songs every day and I'm not tired of them yet. How is that possible?

This one has a beat that just...OK, let's say you're talking to someone. And then you just start bobbing your head. You don't know the words; don't really care what they are, you just find your head nodding and it does this every time you hear it. So you finally go, "what is that?" That's what happened here.

Enjoy "Lady Luck" by Jamie Woon. Who? Yea, I've never heard of him, either.

I'm Failing

2011-10-07T00:24:00.000-04:00

at this post every day challenge. Turns out I don't like many of the posts over at the Wordpress page. But the only thing I want to share today is how FREAKIN excited I am that I am going to see Miguel in concert tomorrow night!

You don't understand. I'm going to be thee nicest person tomorrow at work. He BET not play me like he did that night (about a year ago) when he was at this club up here and I paid $25 and he sang ONE song. If he does that tomorrow, I bet Imma catch him in the alley.

A Month Out

2011-10-04T20:33:00.001-04:00

Hard to believe that I actually left my job an entire month ago already. How's it going?

Overall, I feel good. The act of not physically going into an office 5 days a week feels good. But then I realize, um...rent is due in like 28 days. That's what I've been most concerned about. Faith is easy to "have" when you don't really need it. But the level of worry I wrestle with every other day says there might be a faith deficit going on here.

I had an interview for a great position in my field...but it left too many unanswered questions, I guess, so I turned it down. I've had two other interviews for some shaky, unstable "we might have hours, we might not - you might hate it here actually and we understand if you do" gigs as well. I even got hired for a second part-time job, for a huge retailer that I won't name, but who allegedly needed immediate help in advance of the holiday season. But their instructions - after wasting a day of my life in training - were to go online and see if hours are available to be picked up....so far, none have been.

But the much better news is that I have started freelancing for my former employer! And on a personal level, I went natural Sept. 16. If you don't think going from almost shoulder-length hair to a step above a buzzcut is a big deal...you must be a man.

I've started a new blog as well, one that focuses on positivity, which is what I'm trying to exude these days. Check it out: OfPeople.wordpress.com

Describe a Dream You've Had More Than Once

2011-10-03T21:23:00.000-04:00

Topic #265 via WordPress:
Describe a dream you’ve had more than once.
Everyone has a dream, or nightmare, they’ve had more than once. Either write a post describing one, or explaining why you think it you’ve had the dream multiple times.
***********
Let me say first off: The dream I've had most often is not uncommon. But the fact that I have it almost every night may be.

My alarm is set for 6 a.m. I usually wake up before it tells me to, no matter what time I fell asleep the previous night. If I go back to sleep in that small window, without fail, I have a nightmare. And it usually consists of me being chased. I mean, I am on the run like a character in a major motion picture. There are recurring settings. Some are familiar, such as the house I grew up in. I never see his face, but the black and red striped Freddie Kruegger sweater and black hat are on the man chasing me here. Sometimes I make it out he back or side door and into the parking lot of the church behind the house. I never make it much farther...

For the most part, though, I don't know if these are places I've been before or will be, but no matter how many times I run and hide around the same buildings, houses, parks, etc. I know that I never get away.

How morbid is that? How do you die every night???

I found some random web site that offered this analysis:

There are hundreds of reasons that result in dreams of being chased, the major ones seem to be painful memories, troubled marriages, unpleasant experiences, difficult relationships, stifling working environments, unreasonable employers, financial problems, health issues, anxiety, depression and fear.
....Dreams of being chased by a person or unseen entity represent a personal attack against you due to jealousy, envy and a personal hidden agenda.

Do you have any other analysis?

Post a Day Challenge

2011-10-02T23:40:00.000-04:00

I recently got an email about National Novel Writing Month, which is a challenge to actually write a novel in the month of November. I don't plan on writing a novel - yet - but in order to get everyone ready, WordPress has been hosting a Post A Day Challenge.

Yes, I know I'm using Blogger, but I'm going to challenge myself to write a post a day using the prompts they post daily over here. I've been aching to get back to writing creatively...not the by-the-numbers journalism stuff I'd been doing professionally. Back during freshman year I had an amazing creative writing class where the professor gave the class assignments to write specific scenes, or just to free-write for a set amount of time. Those were great exercises, and by doing a little a day you begin to flex that muscle and sometimes you see you're not as bad as you thought...Or maybe one of the prompts will trigger that novel within. The discipline of having to do something daily (or weekly) is another benefit, plus you don't have to worry about writer's bloc, since they have plenty of ideas to get you started.

So, anyway, if you want to take the challenge, sign up right here.

Happy Writing!

Countdown

2011-09-02T18:09:00.000-04:00

The black unemployment rate is 16.7 percent, "the highest in 27 years," I read earlier today.

I, on the other hand, just left a meeting with HR. I made arrangements to leave my key card and badge after I clock out.

Tomorrow, I am leaving my job.

I did it the "right" way, of course - gave two weeks' notice, put it on paper, gave people a heads up.

I'm making resolutions that can't wait until the new year. January 1st is almost exactly 4 months away; that's far too late.

I know the job search is grueling and unkind. I know the toll it can take on your finances, your self-esteem, your temparament.

I almost regretted my decision to voluntarily subject myself to that psychological minefield. Maybe it'll be easier the second time around?

Life has been one big transition of late. Transitions are perhaps the trickiest to navigate. You know what failure looks like. Success, you've reached that too. But the in-between? That slope where the ground is neither firm or well-lit? Yeah, it's tricky.

But I'm hopeful. I'm optimistic. I'm talented. I'm learning to believe in the gifts that I have been given. And as mom said, "If you know in your heart there's something better for you, sometimes you have to take that risk and find it."

A Little "Too" Friendly

2011-07-21T12:26:00.000-04:00

Anyone who's ever tried to recruit a mentor might not have found it to be the easiest process. Often, we reach out to folks we respect - people who have accomplished a lot, usually - and who happen to be very busy.

It might take several emails, some cold calls, many unreturned messages, etc to land an opportunity to introduce yourself. And you may find that you take leadership of whatever relationship follows as well.

Sometimes when we're new to a company, a mentor can just be someone who's more familiar with the in's and out's - not necessarily a top exec. But anyway, my point is count yourself lucky if one of these too-busy-to-remember-their-kids'-birthdays types takes an interest in you. But let's say someone actually volunteers to be your mentor. Someone who may be in middle management, not quite at the top.

You may eagerly accept their offer. But be cautious. I don't want to make you cynical, I just warn you, be cautious. In some cases, these people are climbing their way up and it looks good that they are "taking on extra projects" and "giving back." When you interact with these people, keep in mind they may be as interested in their own development as they say they are in yours. Don't get too comfortable where you forget that they represent the company. They're a cog, not a friend. And don't be surprised if they repeat things you've said "in confidence" because, after all, how will their supervisor know they're mentoring you if he/she never tells them?

Of course, you can work the situation by being well-prepared when you speak to them and by sharing your great ideas - hopefully those will make their way up the chain, too. Don't focus too heavily on issues or problems you may be having with the job, but try to be positive and optimistic. Just in case Mr VP of Whatever catches you on the elevator and starts his chitchat with, "So I hear..."

Just a word of advice for my young professionals out there.

Here's Where I am Wit It

2011-06-21T23:30:00.002-04:00

I've been a certified reporter for a year - according to my business cards - and uh, I used to take it personally when people said newspaper was a dying business. Now? They just might deserve it.

Because let's face it: At the point that your organization is more focused on what sells instead of what serves, it should face the same capitalistic hardships as any other commercial enterprise.

I look at what newspapers were founded for; ideals such as empowering the public. Arming them with facts to stand against an unjust and oppressive government. A belief that education and freedom were closely related. If this is the true foundation of newspapers, they should be non-profits. A gentleman made a suggestion to me once. "I know it's a radical idea," he said," but what if the newspaper was in city hall and each town's taxpayers paid for it?" It actually made sense to me. Why not allow journalists to truly focus on the aspects that help people. Provide me with news, analysis and investigative reporting that holds our officials true. The Bible says it best: You can't serve two masters. Do you want to be a vehicle for public good, or do you want to make money? Apparently, principles and profit can't cohabit the same entity.

But they've strayed from these altruistic principles.

I'm not a journalist because I'm nosy and I want "the scoop." I don't give a damn about beating everybody else to the story. The most meaningful aspect of this gig is the stories that have had some kind of impact, the ones that have led total strangers to help each other.

We're in an age where a newspaper lays off hundreds of people because it made $1 million less in quarter 3 than quarter 2. Where is that revenue? Try looking in the CEO's pocket. That's not what I'm here for.

I will defend journalism until I die. But I'm not writing for your bottom line, and I'm not writing to make sure your books balance. It's not that people are too busy and too distracted to read the paper. It's not that times are tough and people would rather buy things they need than purchase a subscription; it's that they no longer believe in what you stand for.

Reason No. 8,667 Why My BF is Great

2011-06-20T22:09:00.002-04:00

Me: For my 25th birthday I'm cutting my hair. It's gonna look just like yours.

Him: I don't care. I don't have "Long Hair Syndrome."

Me: :D !

S.O.S.

2011-06-20T16:35:00.000-04:00

A story in the local business journal caught my eye:

UR receives $5 million to support business major

The University of Rochester said Monday it has received a $5 million gift to support its new undergraduate business major. The gift was given by Barry Florescue, an alumnus and member of UR's board of trustees.

There you have it, people. I was horrified to hear of recent budget cuts at my alma mater. "We have to do something!" the outraged alums all cried. Yeah, we have to Save Our Selves.

The first part is getting a job (or creating a job) that will generate $5 mil in disposable income...But then again, if 1,000 alums all gave $50, we'd be on our way.
Homework for Self: One day I'm going to put in the research to see if any HBCUs have alumni that give on a comparabe level of those at Traditionally White Institutions. Considering that people like Oprah, Spike Lee, Bill Cosby, Oscar-nominated actress Taraji P. Henson and the founders of Rainforest Films all went to black schools, I would hope so. However, I'm also fully aware that a handful of affluent standouts can't be asked to carry the weight alone.

It's Hard Being a Man

2011-06-19T19:44:00.000-04:00

I tend not to watch Pastor TD Jakes because his lisp is off-putting (yes, I've said it before: he sounds like Winnie the Pooh.) But on Father's Day I turned on TBN and though he was preaching about men, he said things women really need to hear.

To start off he shared a secret that women will never know because we are, well, women.
"It is hard being a man," he said. I think, ladies, that we should keep this in mind. Absolutely, it's difficult to be a woman as well, but in a country where most black children are born to single mothers, we should understand how much harder that makes it on a young boy who can't learn how to be a man from mommy. (And really, girls, I look at it like this: if I didn't have a father, who from my childhood would I have had to look up to as a good male role model? Not too many solid choices, and you likely can say the same...)

Jakes also said men have fewer role models to look up to for help navigating life. A mentor is so crucial because you need someone to see your potential and help nurture it. He said many men are just kids because no one looked them in the eye and said, "I see the king in you." External recognition of who you can become keeps you from straying toward vices that can stop you from achieving it.

So with that said, I'm not among the women out here who say there are no good men left. I know quite a few, and I'm proud of you - and whoever raised you! Life is hard for everyone, but we can't expect you to just shoulder it all and our problems too without acknowledging how much work that takes. Keep pushin', men!

I Always Want You When I'm...

2011-06-16T19:23:00.000-04:00

There's an inexplicable phenomenon that occurs when you're in an altered state. I studied this in psyschology once, "mood-dependent memory," I think. Simply put, let's say you were high when you studied for a test. You should be high when you take it in order to recall the information.

But sometimes the mind does this without you even trying. You know what I mean, how your not-right mind just associates itself with a certain person? No matter how out of it you are, there's that one number you call first when you drunk dial. Like your memory only conjures up this person when in an altered state.

I thought about it when listening to this song by new artist The Weeknd. The chorus? "I always want you when I'm comin' down."

Comin' down off what? Oh, you don't need to ask...

"The Media" Hates Black Women

2011-05-31T19:50:00.000-04:00

(I swear I only turned on VH1 Sunday so I wouldn't be left out of the Twitter convo!) It was Black Girl Night on the channel, apparently, with the season three premiere of "Basketball Wives," as well as the made-for-TV movie "Single Ladies" with LisaRaye and Stacey Dash.

Not surprisingly, the first BBW episode went like this: "Bitch, fuck you bitch! I hate that bitch! Ima sue yo ass, bitch!" with promises of actual fights next week.

"Single Ladies" featured LisaRaye as an old video vixen with expensive taste who also happened to be a klepto, and Stacey Dash as a wishy-washy woman dumped by a man who said he was never in love with her, only to let him hit and have a pregnancy scare, while also smashing a young white boy in, "I don't usually do this fashion."

Before we cry about how the media is at it again, making us look like desperate, catty golddiggers, we should consider for a moment that these women volunteered to be videotaped behaving this way. And they collected a check for it. Same goes for the girls on "Flavor of Love," "Maury Povich," etc.

The light bulb went on for me was when I watched Nelly on "Behind the Music," discussing the infamous "Tip Drill" video. He ran out of money, he said, and all he had left was a credit card. In his words, the girl actually suggested that he swipe it down her butt cheeks! He couldn't understand why the ladies of Spelman protested his bone marrow drive, claiming he objectified women, when the scandalous swipe wasn't even his idea!

Is he deferring all blame? Absolutely. But if this is true, it means one thing: we can't blame anybody but ourselves for the way "we" look on these shows. I can be as classy as I want to be; it's easy to find a girl who will do the slutty things I won't - for money, for attention, for a chance to be arm candy, for whatever.

You look at the Amber Rose's of the world, and figure, why not? Not only is she doing legit modeling and traveling the world with famous boyfriends, she holds the black blogs captive. She has actual fans. She has girls everywhere even emulating her, getting crayola-hued buzzcuts.

So, sorry ladies, those of us who want to do it the Oprah way and get that billion through intellect and business acumen. Why not take the naked route or the reality short cut? Why not be a mean girl and throw your sistas under the bus? Look where it got Evelyn: a ring from Ochocinco and a line of T-shirts. #winning. Right???

Fare Thee Well

2011-05-31T14:00:00.001-04:00

As I leave the retirement celebration of a colleague I only worked with for a year, I am reminded of the saying that your life might be the only Bible some people read.

This guy, I'll call him, M.D. - I just could tell he believed in God by the way he carried himself. A newsroom is hard to describe, but perhaps it's telling that he stood out to me because he always spoke, always addressed me by name and always smiled when we passed each other. If I ever stopped by his office with a question, he'd stop what he was doing to try to help me find a solution. (Trust me, that is rare.) His consistent warmth meant a lot to me as I learned to navigate this place.

After my "internship period," he sat down with me and we put together something like a guide for new hires. His concern that newbies be treated a certain way - and his genuine disappointment in the minor gaps in my process - spoke volumes.

It's no surprise to me, then, that he's going on to work for the Catholic diocese. He offered us these words to remember him by:

"If you hear an inner voice, listen to it; it just might change your life.
Continue to be people of truth.
And be people of hope; the world needs that so much right now."

I hope I will never neglect to do just that. I'm encouraged to practice walking a similar walk, one that speaks for me and exudes the grace and light of the Son.

Phony or Professional?

2011-05-31T12:54:00.000-04:00

I always get thoughts like this - then immediately go, 'I shouldn't say that!' But oh well, here it is:

White people are professionals at being fake. They really might not be able to stand you, but they'll chitchat on the elevator and smile just the same. They'll introduce you to other people by saying, "You should meet Keisha! We just don't know how the department would run without her," knowing full well they wouldn't care if you fell off a bridge.
They'll even lie to your face if you confront them.

YOU: "Jen, I heard you told Bill I wasn't doing my part on the team and even the interns were more useful than me."
JEN: "Keisha, no! Who told you that? I have no idea how you heard something like that! That's ridiculous. You're doing a phenomenol job! Everybody says so. You know what we should do lunch when things calm down a bit around here..."

Black people, however, are transparent when they don't like you. They make working together very difficult because they treat you cold, roll eyes, suck teeth and make sure to let other people know they ain't feelin you either.

Just look at Star Jones and Nene on "Celebrity Apprentice," for example. These ladies were on the same team, playing for charity for pete's sake, and had disruptive blowups at the drop of a dime. Meanwhile, Hope and Marlee kept it on MUTE and saved their ill feelings for the confessionals.

We use the phrase, "I don't like being fake" to justify not being nicey-nicey to people we don't care for. But I heard this phrase once as well: "What other people think about you is none of your business." It takes a lot of effort to be cordial to your least-favorite coworker for 40 hours a week, but are you mature enough to do your job and not give the air that anything is different from the first day you met, when you didn't know adam from eve?

Do you need to let the girl next to you know you hate her, or is that even relevant when all you have to do is get the task done, then clock out and keep it movin?

So I want to know what you think: Is it phony or professional to put on a facade in the workplace?

Star Jones

2011-05-25T17:25:00.001-04:00

At one point on this season of "Celebrity Apprentice," Star Jones got all upset because Meatloaf used a term like "sweetie" or "baby" while they were arguing. She said it was patronizing and unprofessional.

At the time, I thought she was bent out of shape unnecessarily. Now, I feel her.

What changed?

Well, I have a supervisor who likes to send snippy emails and sign them with smiley faces. WHO DOES THIS? You know what I mean, messages like:

"I hope to see you in the office tomorrow:)" and "I need a story for tomorrow ASAP :)"

I'm sure you've seen it before too - sometimes they swap out the smiley face for "Thanks," like putting thanks after a command negates the asshole-ishness of the preceding statement:

"Do me a favor and make sure your hours never again become an issue at 12 p.m. on a Monday. Thanks."

I finally sent him a note that said, "May i ask what's up with all the smiley faces."

Cuz let's be honest; he wouldn't send an email to a male employee with a smiley face signature. This, to me, communicates that you are being unprofessional and condescending, along with insulting my intelligence. I'm a woman, not a baby. Let's go further: I'm a colleague, gender removed.

Clearly, you know you're saying something out the way and need to include some type of gesture to make yourself feel better about it. If you receive absolution from an emoticon, that's fine. I didn't grant it to you, however.

i HAD to Share This.

2011-05-09T12:36:00.000-04:00

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life."
~Winston Churchill

TooDamnTrue.

Donald Trump Aint New to This

2011-04-27T21:35:00.001-04:00

"This" being racism, that is. Some people are calling it "coded racism." I say, no, not so much. Mom and I were talking today, and we were reminded of an incident that blew our minds wayyy back on "The Apprentice" Season 4 when Randall Pinkett won. Randall is the only black person to win "The Apprentice," and believe me, it was a victory that was painful for Trump to award.

In the final episode, in the boardroom, ON LIVE TELEVISION, he went so far as to ask Randall if he should hire the second runner up (Rebecca Jarvis) as well. This was after she had clearly lost and was badly beaten by Randal in a fund raising task where the numbers usually speak for themselves. NOW WHEN HAS HE EVER OPENED HIS MOUTH TO EVEN SUGGEST SUCH A THING?

That's like it coming down to the final rose ceremony on The Bachelor and Brad getting on one knee, proposing to one chick, then saying, "Don't you think I should propose to her too?"

Everyone would agree that this would be ludicrous, but in Randall's case, he answered, "Mr. Trump this show is the Apprentice, not the Apprenti," to which Mr. Trump was shocked, like he couldn't believe this black man wouldn't share his hard-earned victory with someone else! He then said something to the effect of, he would never forget that Randall said that. While he didn't get to Randall to consent to discredit his own win, he did vilify the man in the process. Websites the next day were calling Randall a "jerk" and many other names that were befuddling to me, given the circumstances. I would have been furious at Trump for cheapening my big moment in that way, but Randall handled it with class.

However, correct me if I'm wrong on this - but I doubt I am - Randall has gone on to write books and do speaking engagements around the country, but not once have I heard him talk about actually working for "Mr. Trump," which I thought was the prize for winning the show...

Jennifer Lopez

2011-04-27T10:51:00.001-04:00

Y'all might not agree with me on this, but that Jennifer Lopez is a user.

She used Diddy, right when he was starting Sean John, then dumped him and launched her clothing line and perfumes. (not to mention I guess she wanted some street cred to market that awful "J.Lo" moniker.)

Now, she's on "American Idol," and after being ducked off for years, has ALL kinda endorsements and commercials. But most important, she and husband Marc Anthony are launching a Latin singing competition show.

You can argue that she's a smart business woman if you want. Maybe. But it looks like she leaches onto situations for knowledge right when she's looking to make her own version of it.

(With that said, the show is still a great idea, as the Hispanic audience is where the money's at right now.)

Do What You Love

2011-04-27T10:09:00.000-04:00

Sorry to tell you, YOU didn't make this phrase up. Self-hep gurus didn't create this idea. It's ripped straight from the handbook for daily living, the instruction maunal, the bread of life - The Holy Bible.

Ecclesiastes 2:24 ¶ There is nothing better for a man, than that he should eat and drink, and that he should make his soul enjoy good in his labor. This also I saw, that it was from the hand of God.

Ecclesiastes 3:22 ¶ Wherefore I perceive that there is nothing better, than that a man should rejoice in his own works; for that is his portion: for who shall bring him to see what shall be after him?

Simply put, "Do what you love." Enjoy your work; there's nothing better than that! Enjoy life and the fruits of your labor; be happy.

But a lot of people feel stuck. Some of us feel our passions are too illogical, too lofty, too unachievable to actually leave our "stable" gigs in search of the satisfying. What if we never reach those goals? What if they take years and years....how will the bills get paid in the meantime? What will people think if you quit that "good" job (in pursuit of that great one?) How do I explain to the interviewier that I've never worked for someone else for more than a year?

Hey, I understand. I feel you. I'm speaking for both of us. But a friend told me the other day, "God wouldn't put a vision in you that you weren't supposed to accomplish."

Mom told me if you don't work you don't eat. God tells me I should enjoy that work, whatever it is.

Motivation

2011-04-27T09:51:00.000-04:00

An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to stay at rest until an outside force acts upon it.

That's true of things...but what about people? Sometimes we hit the ground running, then just lose steam for no apparent reason at all.

Internal motivation is hard to regain once it's fizzled. You can talk to people, seek advice, receive counsel as to why you should care about a certain thing, person or task. But once the thrill is gone...it's just gone.

Or maybe it's just me.

Nothing to be Scared of, Here

2011-03-30T09:55:00.000-04:00

Last week I decided I was an "advocate for social justice." Anyone who takes on such a title should be willing to admit that she is hypersenstive (if being completely honest with herself), or at the very least is someone who looks at everything with a discerning eye.

Either way, I had an experience Monday night that confirmed I'm not crazy.

Since I've been in this city, more often than not I've been the only black person in the room. Many of the interactions that ensued felt forced and awkward. Tuesday was different. The bf and I went to an Irish pub with his coworkers, and had a blast. Yes, we can suggest a number of reasons why people in this setting might be friendly and laidback (I also wouldn't rule out a possibility that I've internalized a sense of inferiority that feels magnified in these settings.) -- but I just said, I've been in similar situations before and had not 1/18th of the fun I had that night.

My point is, there is a palpable difference when you interact when someone who doesn't see you through any other lens than as a fellow human being. Not as a black person, a young person, a rich person, a woman - just a person.

If this happened every day, it wouldn't be noteworthy. But it doesn't. (Think about it, why else are people surprised when they meet a celebrity who's "down to Earth?")

We create social labels that proscribe that one person be treated differently than another, due to "stature," "gender," "class," "age," "accomplishments" or whatever. These lead to a faulty, inflated sense of self-importance that could be easily deflated (and become obsolete) by simply treating everyone with respect and bearing in mind that we all "put our pants on one leg at a time."

Tips for Career Reinvention

2011-03-28T21:36:00.000-04:00

via ESSENCE Magazine. This quote is from an article called The Career Hunt, which offered job search advice for black women.

And be willing to move beyond your comfort zone and your skill set, jump to a new company, or advance to a new managerial position. Finally, remember that you must fit in wherever you land.

That last line was the one that grabbed me. It was certainly a good article, but the "fit in" term was a little vague for me. Fit in how, exactly? I'm sure they don't mean my skill set, because they usually tell me to be better than everyone else so I stand out.

So I'm assuming this means fit in through....appearance and behavior? Tell you what, ESSENCE, I'm tired of jobs where I have to "fit in wherever I land." I'm just being honest. Some women, however, might disagree. You do what you have to do to get the job, I've heard.

So what do you think?

Now Faith is the Substance of Things Hoped For

2011-03-28T10:43:00.000-04:00

(Wrote this for work; thought I'd share.)

I’m sure everyone has an uncle like mine in their family. You know, the one uncle, usually with a beer in hand, who’s the loudest person in the room? He doesn’t try to be funny, it’s just that all his stories happen to be hilarious.

When I was leaving Detroit to head to Rochester, I had a going away party. I wasn’t going to have it unless Uncle Brent was there. He manned the barbecue grill, and the comedy - as usual. I look at how laidback my dad is overall and can’t believe he grew up in the same house as nutty Uncle Brent.

But as I write this, Uncle Brent is in the hospital. Dad called last night asking that I include his little brother in my prayers. His kidneys are failing, his blood sugar is too low, and he’s lost sight in one of his eyes. For those who don’t know how serious it is, diabetes is a debilitating disease. And it runs in my family. The only memory I have of my great-grandmother is she had no legs due to the illness, and my grandfather had one of his legs amputated shortly before he died. My father has had diabetes since he was a senior in high school. I knew Uncle Brent was borderline diabetic, and as he’s gradually slimmed down into a smaller version of himself, I guess he fully crossed that border.

I’m reminded of a blog post I read recently by a young professional about making time in our busy lives for the people we love. My mother always said, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” (I hate when she’s right!) As grateful as I am to have a job, if I could be anywhere in the world right now, it’d be in that hospital room, near Uncle Brent’s bed. The beer can would be missing from his hand, but I know he’d still have me laughing.

The Adjustment Bureau

2011-03-22T22:13:00.000-04:00

If you haven't seen Matt Damon's new movie, "The Adjustment Bureau," and were planning to, I advise you to stop reading. The trailer doesn't quite give you the gist, but it raises pointed questions about religion and specifically, about the idea of free will, using the (thin) veil of a Chairman who writes everyone's master plan and has a bureau of agents who ensure we all stick to the script.
Some things are chance, but most are "adjustments."

I appreciate any movie that references religion. We can debate whether this movie is in favor of it or not, but here are two main statement sI felt it said:

1. God is not a loving diety that you develop a relationship with, but a cold and detached being that forces you to do what he says: In the movie, Matt Damon was told he couldn't be with Emily Blunt's character, but no one would tell him why. Since they had no reason, his attitude was screw you, I'm going to do what I want. It reminds you of how people say everything happens for a reason...but can't tell you what that reason is. We never see the Chairman, and technically, Matt wasn't supposed to know he existed. Yet he was supposed to accept the will of this puppet master.

I think that sends the wrong message. Religion is about building a trusting relationship with a loving Father. You seek the center of His heart because it contains what's best for you.

2. If you want something bad enough, you can outsmart your fate and seize your own destiny: In the movie, Matt chases what he wants and is willing to sacrifice everything to avoid the "plan." He gets a little help from an insider that has him thinking he can get the upper hand, and in the end, he's told the Chairman was so impressed that he rewrote the plan.

Herein lies the free will debate, but I don't believe you bend God to your will. You submit to His and either find it was better than what you thought you wanted, or find that He honors your obedience by granting your desires. Think about Abraham. He prayed for a son in his old age and finally got one. Then God said to sacrifice him. Abraham didn't run, hesitate or try to deceive God. Just as he was about to follow God until the end, he saw the ram in the bush - he submitted, and his son was spared.

I'm sure there are many other conclusions we could draw from the film. What are your thoughts?

Gettin MAC'ed

2011-03-21T12:28:00.000-04:00

As a teenager, you hear so much about MAC Cosmetics that you believe that first purchase makes you a big girl.

I felt some kind of sense of independence when I bought that first $14 tube of sticky lipglass. But what you don't know is the fabulous man behind the counter is going to tell you that you need to buy several products at once to work together to achieve the look you're going for. Unless you have a job at 14, MAC will steal your whole lil allowance. Many brands are the same - you need the primer, the liner, the shadow, the concealer, on and on and on. But believe it or not, there are some products made well enough to stand alone.

Nothing against MAC - but I've moved on. I'm not sure where or when it happened, but my mailbox includes InStyle magazine, as well as catalogues from Ulta and Sephora, and I have to share with you: there are more brands than MAC, some of which look better on our complexions, are less sticky and last longer!
*gasp* I know, thank me later.

The best lip gloss I ever bought cost me only 100 pennies, from a local dollar store. This shade of pastel pink was so true that it was brilliant against my brown skin and I stalked that dollar store for months, hoping they'd re-up.

Saturday, I bought Sephora brand mattifying powder that made my face look smoother and less blemished than the combo of concealer and pressed powder from MAC that had me ashy, darker and shiny, all at once, lol.

I also went to WalMart and bought two shades of red lipstick, as well as a matte purple (a la old school Nia Long). Red, a color so dangerous that I'd always been scared to try it, seemed a lot less intimidating at less than $5. And wouldn't you know it? That Wet 'n' Wild brand looked great!

I also am ashamed to admit this....Shhhh....One day a bum walked into McDonalds on W Grand Blvd hawking navy eyeliner for like $2. I'm sure he had stolen it, but his timing was in line with my urges so I supported the brotha and enjoyed my navy smoky eye the next day...

So this is just a PSA ladies, we all wanna look fly. A splash of color to the face is fun and can brighten your mood - without having to lighten your pockets!

God Bless Skinny Jennifer Hudson

2011-03-21T09:24:00.000-04:00

"If she can do it, I can too!" I'm willing to bet this is said by black women all over when we see pictures of Jennifer Hudson and her new post-Weight Watchers body.

I am among the thoroughly inspired. This month's ESSENCE magazine features skinny J-Hud, and those pictures are now posted on my wall to remind me to drag my a** to the gym even when I don't feel like it.

But here's one thing to note: even when Jennifer was twice her size, she always looked good. The reason is because she wore clothes that fit. Ladies, I don't care if you're a size 2 or 22, if your clothes fit correctly, you will look better. Muffin top results from too-small shirts and too-low jeans, and we see this often even from no-booty, slim white girls.

You've seen the big girls, at the mall, wearing leggings that expose every thigh dimple. Spilling over the top of the bra, underwires and straps cuting into the skin and exposing rolls - again too small garments.

On the converse, clothes that are too big have a frumpy effect, making you look shapeless, like you're trying to hide in a potato sack.

It's easy to mistake frugality or self-punishment for discipline and say, "I'm not buying any new clothes until I lose weight." But this is a mistake. You won't lose weight overnight. Unless you plan on being a recluse until you shed 50 pounds, you probably still have to show your face in public, so look good in the meantime. I know it hurts to have to get those jeans in the double digits, but isn't it easier than having to tuck and pull and straighten your clothes all day and be self-conscious?

As we wage our own battles of the bulge, let's keep in mind that Mo'Nique, Tocara and other big girls seem to be having a lot of fun, thanks to having the confidence us other girls lack while we're in our periods of self-loathing.

So God bless skinny J-Hud, but until you get her size - and even when you do get there - dress for the size you are, not the size you want to be.

The Bachelor

2011-03-20T15:23:00.002-04:00

I've probably watched a cumulative total of three hours of ABC's reality dating show "The Bachelor." The 15th season with Bachelor Brad just finished strong, and the seventh season of spin-off "The Bachelorette" (the show that picks up popular castoffs from the curb and puts them in the driver's seat) is shooting now.

It spawned derivatives like "Flavor of Love," and "I Love New York," both on Vh1. We tend to be all up in arms over how these shows make black women (and other attention whores) look like gold-diggers so thirsty they'll fight to drink from the same cup as a D-list, irrelevant celebrity. Let's be honest: "The Bachelor" is the same thing, a bunch of white girls who don't really have good jobs trying their hardest to be chosen by a man who, by virtue of network-TV given fame and fabulous dates paid for by sponsors, will turn their whole lives around. This they know for sure after like 6 weeks, and no one calls them groupies in the process.

However, now I suppose we should thank Vh1 for giving people of color a vehicle to compete for "love." Because according to Mike Fleiss, creator of "The Bachelor" franchise, it won't happen on his show.

Entertainment Weekly's Inside TV blog interviewed Mike Fleiss, creator of "The Bachelor," and asked point blank, "Will we ever see a bachelor or a bachelorette who is not white?"

Fleiss answered:

"I think Ashley (the new Bachelorette) is 1/16th Cherokee Indian, but I cannot confirm. But that is my suspicion! We really tried, but sometimes we feel guilty of tokenism. Oh, we have to wedge African-American chicks in there! We always want to cast for ethnic diversity, it’s just that for whatever reason, they don’t come forward. I wish they would."

There you have it, these are the kinds of people calling the shots in Hollywood, folk who think it's cool to make a lily-white show and "wedge" some color in as an after thought.

I'm sure in 15 seasons, Mike pored over thousands of headshots and went, man I can't believe there aren't any "African-American chicks" in the entire country who want to be on my very popular television show! Sounds like he's really broken up about it, huh?

What are your thoughts?

I'm so Green

2011-03-19T13:31:00.000-04:00

Presently kicking myself for my naivete. See, this week the boss asked me to write a story, that's essentially, a non story.

I made some calls. I said, "Hey, here's the answer to what you're looking for. It makes perfect sense to me and I'm sure no one else has the question you have because this isn't a story."

His response: "I disagree, have it done when I get back from break or sooner."

Hmmmm.....here's the worst interview guys. When I call someone and don't really know what to ask because I'm not curious about anything and everything has already been spelled out. I'd like to say to said boss, if you have questions, perhaps you should ask them because this one's pretty black and white to me. Did I mention he also added the directive to call the story subject EVERY day at every number available until I get an answer?

Trust me, I know part of life is having to do things you don't want to do. I'm clear on that. Still, I gotta say it's kind of a kick in the pants when it essentally happens like this: "I don't care what you think. Do it. Because I said so."

Odds and Ends

2011-02-28T11:16:00.003-05:00

A story about the lions at the Detroit Zoo said half of them were "rescued from a Kansas junkyard." Uh, do they literally mean there were lions strolling through a junkyard? That's kinda scary.

Do we think Willow Smith will grow into those ears?

Checked a job posting for a "literacy aide" at the library. Part of the job description was to encourage kids to stay in school. I'm not kidding. How do you get judged for that in your annual review?

Yesterday I put pink lip liner on with tan lip gloss. It worked. That's all I gotta say.

Also, it can be done - using just a CHI and olive oil, I got my hair pretty darn straight, no pressing comb or chemicals required!

More to come...

Planned Parenthood

2011-02-28T00:39:00.001-05:00

I respect what Planned Parenthood has evolved into. But here's what my research tells me: It's founder, Margaret Sanger, supported the racist theories of both Charles Darwin and Nazis.

I'll find my research paper from African American history class if you need me to, but she definitely believed in Darwin's survival of the fittest theory and eugenics theories that said "unfit" and "inferior" people shouldn't have children. Inferior was also synonymous with poor. Darwin, we know, said black people were less evolved than the other races and were genetically inferior, based on factors such as the shape of our heads and our smaller brains.

Eugenicists espoused racial supremacy and “purity,” particularly of the “Aryan” race. Eugenicists hoped to purify the bloodlines and improve the race by encouraging the “fit” to reproduce and the “unfit” to restrict their reproduction. They sought to contain the “inferior” races through segregation, sterilization, birth control and abortion.

Granted, she came up at a time women weren't allowed to use contraception or birth control. So she is lauded for championing women's rights...but she also wanted to help make sure a certain population of babies weren't born, period.

Sanger is from Corning, NY. Her first clinic was in Brooklyn. Put it together.

With that said, many institutions in this country were founded by people with racist beliefs and slavery money...

Live From the Red Carpet!!!

2011-02-27T18:17:00.001-05:00

Thanks to MTV News, check this live stream from the red carpet of the 83rd Academy Awards!!!!
Tweet us @DevaDonna or @mtvnews!

http://media.mtvnservices.com/mgid:uma:video:mtv.com:625974

Fix it Yourself!

2011-02-11T11:42:00.000-05:00

This week was, I suppose, what every week should be like. I entirely dictated my workload and the content I created. While I'm out covering other stories sometimes I run across people with wonderful stories and feel so bad that no one here will cover them. People stick in my mind and I resolve to find a way to share their stories. This time, it worked out. I did a three-part series on young black men who are connecting with younger black men in the failing city school system and using sports to influence their lives. Each day focused on a different sport online and provided more depth.
I had no idea my editor and editors in other sections would support my efforts the way they did. In fact, a photograhper helped me shoot a video and today the stories were combined and made the front page.

If you have a few minutes, check out the finished product:

http://www.democratandchronicle.com/videonetwork/782295398001/Former-boxer-preps-kids-for-life

How Can I Help?

2011-01-27T13:03:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I left from an interview feeling hopeless. Powerless. Dismayed.

I was speaking with two guys, both 26, who started an organization called Changing the Community. They met as kids playing football for rival teams, went to college, got degrees and decided they'd come back to their hometown to help young athletes behind them learn life skills, in addition to the fundamentals of the game. They mentor kids across the city and put on a summer life skills camp with no outside funding. In a district where 25% of black males graduate high school, they believe their program can make the difference.
"We gotta stop fooling ourselves about what our kids want," one said to me. "They don't want education, they want football. We give them what they want then sneak in what they need."

They want on to say they relate to the kids better than teachers or anyone else because they ARE those kids. They came from broken homes, went to the same schools and are more "black" than other black professionals (read: Oreos) who they said kids won't listen to.

So I thought to myself, "Damn, where does that leave me?" I want to help. But I'm not them....My parents have been married 26 years, I always got good grades and then I went to college like we're told we're "supposed" to do. I always saw value in education. I never was interested in ....you know, what the kids are out here doing now.

So what do I have to offer them? If I can't relate to them, why would they listen to me - or people like me? I had a looong convo last night trying to sort out my confusion about this, because it's clear black people only come in two extremes. Women are hoodrats/baby mamas and men are thugs/drug dealers...or you're uppity and bourgeiose. We don't see anything in the middle. Either you're "real" or you're whack. (As awful as last week's episode of The Game was, think about it - no one wanted to listen to Dr. Melanie Barnett, but they wanted autographs from the video girl).
What about those in the middle? How can I tell a kid education is important when they see lots of "educated" people being laid off every day? Or those who graduated with a piece of paper and no paycheck? Or the Amber Roses who go from stripper to model/socialite? Or the Jay-Z's who sold drugs, rapped, married Beyonce and kicked it with Warren Buffet?

You can say it starts with the parents...but let's face it, it ain't happening. So how can someone from the outside combat the things kids are seeing and believing? I can't say I've been where you are and you don't have to do that. That's not my reality....so again, I sit here feeling powerless. What do we have to offer?

The Underdog of All Sports

2011-01-19T15:23:00.000-05:00

I'm coming to realize just how underappreciated the sport of boxing really is. Sure, it makes for a great movie once every 3 years or so. But it gets not even an iota of the shine of sports like basketball and football. You pick up the paper, you see youth lacrosse and high school swimming stories. But how many boxing stories?

"I've had 1,000 kids come through this door in the last year. But when they see how real it is, some of them say, whoa, this aint for me," coach Parker, a local boxing coach, told me. He went on to say that you can't play boxing like you play basketball, so if a kid sticks with his program, he knows this child is different.

I think he's right. Many boxers have backgrounds that are just as riveting as the few who happen to get a movie made of their life. Many of the kids in his program have hellacious lives and whacked-up families. Boxing, as barbaric as it might seem, is their outlet. It's a gladiator sport that's about preparing yourself for different scenarios, coach Parker said, which he feels is the key to life as well.

"There are only 8 punches in boxing; after that it's all about who's in better shape and who's smarter. You both know the 8 moves, so really it's about being prepared for the scenarios you'll see out there in the ring," coach Parker told me.

The sport is a lifeline for a lot of "at-risk" youth...but what can it really lead to? For all the people who are out here boxing (heavyweight, welterweight, every kinda weight class) why come you only know, like, 5 names? We know that a very small number of kids make it to the NBA or NFL,, but those are team sports.....but imagine how many fewer will make it to be Ali, Tyson, Mayweather, Holyfield, Sugar Ray Leonard....

The Pay Wall

2011-01-19T14:50:00.000-05:00

I'm conflicted. As someone who makes a living in the media industry, I need people to pay for the content I produce. As a consumer, I appreciate that the Internet offers multiple sources to get news - for free.

From personal experience, I used to subscribe to daily newsletters from Variety, an entertainment trade publication. A few months ago they began putting their content behind a paywall. I always found them to be a pretty useful site, but since I also get similar information from The Hollywood Reporter and Television Week, I decided it was no longer worth it to me to subsribe to their newsletters, no matter how enticing the headlines looked that came in my inbox.

I hear now that the New York Times is moving toward a paywall mode. Thanks to the advent of blogs, it could be possible to get a regurgitated, shorter version of the most important stories of the day, but I think the Times' content just might be good enough to pay for. I value the diversity of the stories they tell, their multimedia pieces and the fact that they are probably thee most reputable source on news and information.

On the other hand, imagine how slighted I felt when I went to the newsstand and purchased Essence magazine's "first ever brand new special hot hair issue," only to receive an e-mail a couple of days ago with a photo gallery of ALL the hairstyles I just paid to see. That, my friends, is NOT valuable to your consumer. If you're going to ask a person to pay, it has to be something they can't get anywhere else. You can't just take what you printed and dump it online and call it multimedia.

At my organization and others around the country, I know there are discussions about how - not if- we begin to ask people to pay for the content we've heretofore been giving away for free. And this has me conflicted. I want as many people to read my work as possible. But if I write the same story that channel 10 runs tonight at 6, why should someone pay to read what they can watch for free? Or if it's the same story your friends have re-tweeted all day. I can assure you, nine times out of 10, my story is better, more researched and accurate, etc. But the mere fact that I'm asking people to pay for is throwing up a roadblock, I think. Especially because my role is to write content for young professionals. Do me a favor, tell me the number of people you know ages 20 to 30 with a newspaper subscription, online or in print?

Exactly. So, I, like many other media professionals, am kinda confused.

A Tale of Two Cities

2011-01-14T13:28:00.000-05:00

I have a confession: I used to hate Detroit. I have concrete reasons, too.

Spending four years at an out-of-state school affirmed my "I want to live/work anywhere but home" campaign. But I realize it was because in that new place I found a collection of individuals I could relate to. It's 100 percent true that you must surround yourself with like-mided people. This never happened for me in the 17 years before my departure, plain and simple.

However, now I have moved to a new city. One 300 miles from home - but one with so many parallels it's like their biographies have the same author.

Both are deemed ghosts of their former selves. Past Promised Lands where folks who feasted have been reduced to impoverished skeletons. Those with sense fled in droves, you hear. Crime and welfare are up among the few unfortunate enough to remain. The school systems failed as well, full of "city" kids who are black and brown.

Detroit, home of Motown, was fueled by the Big Three auto manufacturers. Here, you could leave high school and land a job at a plant that would feed your family and afford you the "finer things." Because of their layoffs, you have people with years of experience - yet no education - suddenly jobless and having to "downsize" their whole lives.
Rochester, a city on the cutting edge of technology, was consumed by, well, advancements in techonology. Think Kodak, Xerox, Bausch + Lomb..... Former blue collar execs have the same EBT cards in their wallets as everyone else now.

But underneath the depression/recession, both places are secretly being re-created as small towns (trust me, even in Detroit playing six degrees of separation is EASY) where you can wake up one day and decide to make your dreams come true.
Places where a creative subculture is vibrant.
Places where young professionals are taking ownership of their surroundings.
Places organizations are starting to invest in with the hopes of rebuilding the entire metro area from the inside out. Starting with the "center city," or downtown, folk are making lofts and condos from once-abandoned buildings to attract a talent pool for the companies they want to lure into relocating nearby.

These are cities people return to after trying to make it somewhere else because they see the opportunity - to start a business, make a name for yourself in politics or non-profits, own an affordable home and live your passions while getting support from a community of forward thinking individuals striving to do the same.

Yes, people are finding the ingenuity that sometimes is born of desolation. They're saying hey, let the media tell the story they want to tell. Screw the statistics. In the meantime we're going to keep climbing up!

Am I being idealistic?

There are people who believe in Detroit. People who love Rochester and are rolling up their sleeves to prove that a rose can grow from concrete.

Breakfast is Whatev U Eat in the Morn

2011-01-14T12:18:00.000-05:00

Dear Breakfast,

Hey there. I know I should eat you in the morning, but if I get up too late to cook what am I supposed to do? I don't like eggs, sausage or pancakes. I don't want anything fried. Tim Horton's, McDonalds, Burger King - all my "fast food" options - they have no offerings. Hecky naw I don't want oatmeal from Ronald McDonald! What's there left to eat for a girl like me who really doesn't like "breakfast food"?

Signed,

At Work Hungry....Stomach is Growling. Louder Than the Sounds of Typing.

Confessions of a Magazine Addict

2011-01-10T16:38:00.000-05:00

I love magazines. I don't want to read the content on my phone or on a tablet or anywhere else. I like to turn the pages and look at the pictures and read them with a nice cup of coffee on my day off. They make long waits bearable and my time on the treadmill seem shorter. I love that they have a moderately long shelf life, so I can learn something relevant from this month's issue or one from two years ago. I wil pick up O Magazine or VIBE or anything that looks interesting - doesn't matter.

I love that O magazine includes literature and works of fiction. I love that Essence also includes pictures of real women and their every-day style. And VIBE's 20 Questions used to be a very funny feature.

But I've come to grips that they are awful for one's self image. They're pretty much full of tips to erase and conceal all your inadequacies. I guess there's no money in saying, Hey Reader, you're great the way you are. Nope, instead they're full of clothes you should wear right now, makeup you need to buy right now, trendy hairstyles to try today, skinny models and celebs you should love and products you apparently can't live with out, (few of which are actually affordable). They are pretty much one big advertising ploy, and at the same time they contradict themselves and tell you 5 ways to save money and 6 tips to cut your spending.

And yes, they seem to find ways every month to recycle and re-sell the same bit:

"How to protect your hair," "How to make him want you," "Sizzlin fashions of the season," "How to get the life you deserve today." And this is across demographics, am I right?

So, yeah, I notice flaws. But I can't tear myself away. *sigh* that's what you call an addict

Why Chinese Mothers are Superior

2011-01-10T11:17:00.000-05:00

These are words from a Chinese mother in this fascinatng, albeit long, story in the Wall Street Journal:
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read

Apparently, her theory is Chinese parents berate their kids and force them to do things they don't want to do over and over until they're good at it, whereas Western parents are too busy worried about their kids' self-esteem and therefore churn out failures and losers. I'm not kidding. She says Asian parents assume their kids are strong and can stand the brutal treatment, but Westerners assume thier kids are fragile and tiptoe around speaking harshly or bluntly. Here's a sample-

"What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning, which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice, practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano, pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more."

Read and discuss.

Why Black Movies Aren't Made

2011-01-10T10:42:00.001-05:00

This one is for all of you who say: "I don't mind Tyler Perry but I just wish we had more of a choice of movies targeted at black people."

Ava DuVernay, a black filmmaker and publicist, was the subject of an NYT article that I found very interesting. She launched a festival network for black themed films across the country, the African-American Film Festival Releasing Movement (AFFRM). She didn't see another way for her film, "I Will Follow, to be distributed, so she did it herself.

The article in the Times went on to include some brutal reasons why "black-theme movies" aren't made:

"Those who make specifically black-theme movies, she (DuVernay) said, should realize that “no one is ever going to care about their film except the people it’s made for, which is, black folks.”

That's a pretty sad statement. Most movies are made with the assumption that everybody will see them. How often do you see a movie and go, "That's a white movie. I'll pass." Never, right? But DuVernay is pretty much saying that those who make black movies shouldn't expect the same kind of interest across the board. Here's why that's even more troubling, according to the article:

"According to a 2009 survey of moviegoing compiled for the Motion Picture Association of America, African-Americans, about 12 percent of the North American population, accounted for only 11 percent of ticket sales and less than 9 percent of frequent moviegoers. (By contrast, Hispanics, who make up 15 percent of the population, bought 21 percent of tickets, according to the study.)"

If the only people who "care about" your movie barely go to the theater and buy tickets, then..... what's the incentive for the movie to be produced or distributed by a major company?

Here's a link to the rest of the story:
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/01/08/movies/08urban.html

This is NOT OK

2011-01-06T19:35:00.000-05:00

This, on the left, is Miguel. Miguel of whom I am a fan. On the right is Megan Good, of whom I am NOT a fan. But that's neither here nor there. The issue, ladies and gentleman, is that Miguel is wearing leather jeggings tucked into Peter Pan boots. With a boatneck tunic. A big funky tribal statement necklace and a fancy-collared fitted puffer jacket. WHERE THEY DO THAT AT?

If I was going on a date with a man and he showed up in this, I'd leave and tell him never to call me again. I don't care if it was Lance Gross or Dwayne The Rock Johnson. And please, don't try - you can't justify this.

The Golden Voice

2011-01-06T12:47:00.000-05:00

I was trying to stay away from Ted Williams and his golden voice." I tend to hold out on watching all these videos folks post and re-post on Facebook as long as I possibly can.
However, Ted was on "The Today Show" this morning being interviewed by Matt and Meredith, and this man was just so genuine I had to watch. It literally warmed my heart to hear how excited he was to be going from homeless to employed in a matter of days. What stood out the most, aside from homeboy having 7 kids, is that when he was asked the obvious question of what's going to stop him from misusing his second chance at life, Williiams said there was one major difference this time:

"The difference between my successes of years gone by is that I didn't acknowledge the Lord or thank him for anything before," he told them. "This time around, I have God in my life, acknowledging him on a daily basis."

No, religion doesn't guarantee success. Yes, a lot of ppl drop Him in the mix at times like these. But here, check the interview yourself:

American Idol

2011-01-04T17:09:00.001-05:00

I've been over "American Idol" since Ruben won, literally. I occasionally check in through the "watch Simon destroy people with his accurate assessments" tryout sessions, then as I did with Adam Lambert, check back in at the end. But for the most part I was #done.

However, this very interesting article from The Hollywood Reporter details many of the changes to come. I already thought they all lived in a house together, but I guess not; that's new. Also albums will drop faster - which is much needed to capitalize on that Idol momentum, and they might add music videos throughout the show.

What I like is that during "theme week" they'll no longer force people to sing songs outside of their genres, as in asking a country singer to do rock. And for people who thought Idol was just glorified karoke, I can't believe they will now allow people to sing original content! This article says producers like Rodney Jerkins and Timbaland will help select and arrange new songs suited for each contestant.

My bf hates cover songs, but at the same time when you sing songs that no one's ever heard of it's more challenging to hold people's attention, I think. How bout you?

I'm not saying I'll tune in now, cuz I don't do Randy Jackson or Jennifer Lopez, but it's clear these ppl had to try something quickly in order to save the show!

The Cost of Living

2011-01-03T16:40:00.002-05:00

The next time I go to the grocery store and my total is less than $100, I'm going to kiss the clerk.

Because it's the Season for Lists

2011-01-03T15:07:00.000-05:00

We all know the end of one year/beginning of another gives people a reason to create a plethora of unnecessary lists and countdowns. Here's one of my own, completely in jest so don't take it personal.

TOP 3 MEN I WISH WERE STRAIGHT:

3. Adam Lambert (I almost forgave the makeup when he was on Idol, but that album cover had me #dead)
2. Nate Berkus (I wanted to believe that a man could be a great interior decorator and simply have a great eye for style, but then he told us about losing his boyfriend in the Indonesian tsunami)
1. Anderson Cooper (no, he hasn't confirmed or denied. But his mom is fashion maven Gloria Vaderbilt, so the man probably grew up woth some very colorful industry ppl)

Transitioning

2011-01-03T13:28:00.000-05:00

I thought I had decided that I got my last perm in 2010. However a brief convo with my boss's boss's boss (as in the top boss) lead me to this question:

Well, let me give u the replay then ask the question.
HER: "Oh, your hair was long last week. Now it's short."
ME: It's different every week.
HER: We had a picture in the paper of you over the weekend with the longer hair, which is not to say you don't look nice with shorter hair too, and I thought it was a great picture that they took.

So the question here is, when going natural, am I altering the texture by continuing to press it, or is it better to just let it grow like it wants to and leave it alone?

Madea's Big Happy Family

2011-01-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

I don't want to engage in the now-popular debate about how Tyler Perry is destroying Hollywood and the Black community. I may have lost friends going down that road, lol. All I intend to say with this post is that I watched TP's newest play, "Madea's Big Happy Family," over the weekend and was reminded why I'm a fan.

I've been stalking Redboxes all around this city since before Thanksgiving attempting to rent the play. It was worth it. "Madea's Big Happy Family" was consistently laugh-out-loud funny; TP said some things men need to hear, some things women need to hear, some things single people need to hear, and some things not single people need to hear; and as always, I love when he speaks to the audience after the show because he shares some insight that blesses my soul, seriously.

Tyler has a message to share and was extended a platform to share it with more and more people, so I don't fault him for taking the chance to make movies and TV shows, which I will flatly say, seem to be outside of his lane. I watch them simply because several years ago, I saw some plays featuring a character who reminded me of people I knew, thereby becoming relatable and hilarious.
And it was clear to me after watching "Madea's Big Happy Family" that plays are what he does best - just connecting with his audience on his terms, through humor, song and real talk.

IT'S ON!!!

2011-01-03T10:57:00.000-05:00

Making a new year’s resolution always seemed like a vain exercise for a person like me. Being a constant goal-setter was countered by chronic procrastination, yet for some reason I began 2010 making a list of resolutions sparked entirely by a photo shoot I envied in a magazine.

Serena Williams, with her abs of steel and zero percent body fat, inspired me to scribble “getting fit” on a piece of paper. Writing it down was the easy part, and before I knew it I’d filled the paper with resolutions. If I could find that list now, maybe I could tell you how many of those I actually accomplished.

But this year, as I approach 25 years old, losing weight is again my top goal, and to accomplish that I plan to do something crazy – literally. If you’ve caught the infomercials, you know “INSANITY” is billed as the hardest workout program ever put on DVD. “P90X” is another popular and intense workout used by several of my YP friends, but it costs about $200, you have to buy additional equipment, and, well, I don’t want to wait 90 days.

INSANITY is a 60-day “total body conditioning program” created by personal trainer Shaun T. He promises to push me past my limits with 10 discs of plyometric drills on top of nonstop intervals of strength, power, resistance and ab and core training moves. No equipment or weights are needed, which is great because I’ve had a gym membership for six months that was used infrequently, to say the least.

Joining me on this two-month journey is my boyfriend, a 22 year-old-college student who looks great to me but says his goal is mainly to have more energy overall.

“I want to be able to carry all the groceries at once – little things like that,” he said.

INSANITY comes with a free “elite nutrition plan” that Martell and I have both deemed impossible. Shaun T wants you to spread something like 1,400 calories over five meals a day, and says your body doesn’t need carbonated beverages or artificial sweeteners. If that’s what Shaun does, take a look at him, ladies – it’s obviously working – but me and my coffee shall never part. But I will make small dietary modifications, like drinking more water, cutting back on sugary snacks and adding more fresh fruit and veggies to my meals.

I’m excited and plan to share updates throughout my journey. Feel free to share your thoughts and especially your encouragement or questions. The fun begins today, Monday, Jan. 3.

(Does this sound like an article? Cuz it is, lol)

Best Song of 2010

2010-12-30T10:12:00.002-05:00

2010 was a year of mediocre music. Yeah, I said it. There were a couple pretty good songs, but not too many great ones.
With that in mind, my vote for the best song was a pretty easy decision. It goes to Miguel aka Miguel Jontel, feat J. Cole with "All I Want is You."
A soulful song with great lyrics, a couple clever rap verses, and a real groovy beat. The music was simple really, just a sparse guitar loop over a little snare that repeats and repeats - didn't build or do anything too exciting, but it has yet to get old, and I'm still tapping my toes.

Merry Christmas to Me!

2010-12-29T19:41:00.000-05:00

Can you see that? That is Miss Hello Kitty - perfume! Sephora had a two-day preview of its new cosmetics line at the end of December, which included blush, lip glosses, lotion, mirrors and other STUPID-cute items.

The full line will debut in stores mid-January, and I knew this would happen, but I waited until I got off work to try to buy stuff and it was all sold out, except for this perfume. It smelled exactly like I thought it would - and no, I can't describe it, but it's unique, clean, elegant...*sigh* just plain amazing! And it even came with the old school puff thing that you squeeze to dispense the perfume! (idk what you call it guys, I'm sorry)

I hate that everyone will be able to purchase it and smell like me pretty soon, but I DEFINITELY plan to re-up and to buy the lotion, shower gel, compact mirror, and heck why not - even try some blush!

Chunkin up the Deuces

2010-12-24T14:19:00.000-05:00

So I wanna try to talk about this in very general terms. Hoping that once I write it all out, I'll get over it.

Someone told me today that someone I pretty much grew up with had a problem with me because I "said some things." Now, this person and I haven't been close for a while, but we've hung out a couple times when I was home from school and had a great time. In the meantime, we hadn't spoken, so I was confused about these "things" I'd allegedly said.

No need to do the third party thing, I sent her a direct message like I heard you a problem with me, but you don't talk to me and I don't talk to you, so what are you referring to?

This chick says, you're right, we don't talk and we can keep it like that, don't message me I'm done.

WOW! REALLY? (and this is someone's mother, mind you. smh.)

So I'm like, alright then, be mad for no reason, cool.

I guess she missed the point. If I didn't want a resolution, I wouldn't have made that move. Obviously she didn't see anything worth salvaging. OH Yeah - did I mention this person is a "family" member? I guess we gon die without saying another word to each other.

For shame!

I don't need to be rich

2010-12-21T12:26:00.000-05:00

Just rich enuf to not have to ask anyone for anything.

Listening to a friend who has spent most of the year trying to get adequate care for a broken foot only to be ushered out of the hospital as soon as doctors find out she has no insurance made me so disgusted that I thought, I need to be so rich that I don't even need insurance! I want to be able to fund my own hospital stay, emergency care, whatever.

This theory extends far beyond healthcare though. I heard horror stories from a toy giveaway at a church (of all places!) where people said they were locked in a room and had to wait hours for a couple toys, after having to attend a mandatory church service and being talked to very disrespectfully. You never hear of such injustices being done to people who aren't at the mercy of others...a good reason to be rich - as if you needed another one.

Gettin Over

2010-12-21T12:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Time Warner,

I do NOT appreciate how you snuck an extra $5 to my "low introductory new customer special" price for wireless Internet service. Sure, it's only five dollars. But that certainly makes your ads promising high-speed Internet for less than $30 a month ineffectual, doesn't it?

And what's to keep you from tacking on five more dollars next month? Hmmmph.

Signed,

Please Stop

I Hate Breakfast

2010-12-21T11:53:00.000-05:00

But I miss Chik-fil-A. There's something about a chkn biscuit (which McD's woefully attempted) that just feels so right in the morning next to some tater tots and sweet tea.

I really should just open a franchise and bring delicious breakfast chickens to the East Coast. Yea, they make other stuff too, but lunch isn't the problem here.

Quick morning-food options are limited, though I'm a firm believer that "breakfast" consists of anything I decide to eat in the morning, which is never going to be eggs, waffles or sausage. I'm over omnipresent Tim Hortons, greasy McD's and bland Dunkin Donuts.

How lovely it would be to leave my apartment with 30 minutes to spare and be able to grab a chkn biscuit on the way downtown?! *Sigh*

Where's the instruction manual?

2010-12-21T11:44:00.000-05:00

Man, I'm starting to feel (even more) bad for all you McDonald's employees. Mickey D's is just doing way too much these days. You gotta make McRibs, cookies, angus snack wraps, frappucinos AND oatmeal now? Gee whiz!
And when did oatmeal become the new thing for fast food? I've seen it dressed up and snooty-fied at Starbucks with all kindsa berried and whatnots...but it's trickled down to McDonald's now? That means it's big!

The Sound of Christmas

2010-12-16T01:00:00.000-05:00

Who decided "These are a Few of my Favorite Things" was a Christmas song? I don't recall it being a holiday in "The Sound of Music" when Julie Andrews sang it.

I can see how people could interpret it to fit the holiday spirit, but it's a stretch. There's no mention of Santa, Jesus, Christmas trees, presents, etc. But OK, it's still a great and timeless song.

I'm NOT Surprised

2010-12-16T00:54:00.000-05:00

Well, I kinda am or else I wouldn't take the time to write about it, but apparently Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johanssen are divorcing.

The marriage was pretty low key - They married in 2008, but I only JUST heard about it with her being on the cover of In Style mag a couple months ago, and him on this TV special for People's Sexiest Men of the Year a couple of weeks ago talking about her - but they've been separated six months?!

After seeing "The Proposal" I finally jumped on the Ryan Reynolds-is-HOTT bandwagon, so I'm not too crushed by this news. Howev, after learning that he was engaged to Alanis Morisette before, idk where his taste lies, cuz that's a weird one right there.

Pride

2010-12-07T00:34:00.000-05:00

I am NOT a racist.
Not a black nationalist.

i can see how you might think I am.

i just believe black people are

Beautiful
Powerful
Royal
And undervalued - by ourselves and everyone else

Men, Tyler Perry does NOT hate you

2010-12-06T22:59:00.000-05:00

I'd venture to say that of all the movies Tyler Perry has, more of them feature bitchy and raggedy women than negative portrayals of black men.
With For Colored Girls, you all keep saying TP "keeps making black men look bad." Y'all do that yourselves. But I digress.
I truly believe he does the opposite. He tries hard to show us that there are good black men out there, and he actually portrays the WOMEN doing them wrong. In many of the movies, the man is going way above and beyond to convince a broken woman to let go of her past and give him a chance. These men are long-suffering, patient and very eloquent in expressing their feelings.

Are there exceptions? Sure. Blair Underwood's character in "Family Reunion" was a wife beater and ol boy in "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" did cheat and drag Kimberly Elise out the house.

But:

Shemar Moore's character in "Diary" was a good man who let Kimberly Elise slap him, talk to him like trash, go take care of her ex AND come back, and his i love u speech was A-mazing!
Boris Kodjoe's character in "Family Reunion" was a hard-working, blue collar single parent who loved his kids and was patient with the chick who's name i dont know
In "Why Did I Get Married" parts 1 and 2, Tyler Perry's wife ignored him, tied her tubes without talking to him, didnt want to give the man any kids or nookie, and then damn-near cheated with her coworker. And yet, he begged her to come back
"Daddy's Little Girls" was ALL about a hard-working man fighting for custody of his kids versus his sleazy, ignorant ex-wife
In "The Family that Preys" - come on, where do we start? Sanaa Lathan DOGGED her husband, cheated on him, called him sorry, controlled all the money, left him, etc
Was Taraji's character in "I Can Do Bad" not a bitter, hateful, self-loathing, adulteress slut?
And Janet pretty much killed Gavin.

The list goes on and on.
So in conclusion, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, Tyler Perry does not hate men. He uses them as secondary characters that revolve around, sometimes antagonize and often save the female leads and/or lead them to self awareness.

The defense rests.

Coonin for Company

2010-12-03T20:44:00.000-05:00

My bf is making music with his coworker right now. Meanwhile, my (obvious) wig just came in the mail and I'm anxious to slap it on.

Coworker dates a white girl...which is why I'm thinking twice about walking back out into the living room with a completely different texture and length of hair. He's probly thinking, "I'm glad I don't have to deal with that...."

*Kanye shrug*

It's About Time...

2010-12-03T19:33:00.000-05:00

Decided I was beautiful today.

I don't know if it's cuz I looked in the mirror and saw my grandmother's eyes; or if it's cuz my hair is back the color God made it; or what. But I was pleased with me today.
Struggling with self-image is universal to all women, I suppose, but I'd venture to say two or three times as bad for black women.

So here's to hoping this feeling will make it to tomorrow....

This is Why we Pirate

2010-12-03T19:23:00.001-05:00

I'm done buying CDs.

In a noble effort of support, I do actually still go out and purchase the CDs of artists I care enough about. (That is a select group, I will admit.)

But after continuing to be disappointed, I've decided I'll just stick with the radio. Why should I give you my money when what I get in return isn't deserving of my investment?

"Album sales are down, the industry is on life support!" That's the cry we've heard from those bemoaning the current state of the music industry. Perhaps if between the labels and the artists, you all truly put together a compilation of the best material, people would be more inclined to buy it.

Hearing creative, imaginative singles, features and mixtape work is what whets our appetite for an artist's full-length work. But Miguel, Robin Thicke, Trey, (etc) when I get these bland, lifeless albums it's a letdown and a turnoff. What gets lost between the music that makes us fall in love and the music that makes it to the CD?

Case in point, after like 2 years of listening to individual songs, I've been dying to buy Miguel's CD - whenever he got around to making one. Finally got it Wednesday. Where's the intriguing themes, the unexpected sounds, the compelling rhythms that made me want to move on "Dig," "Ooh Ah" and "Overlaod"? Where was the passion I heard in "Supernatural"? The undeniable groove of that funky loop in the first single, "All I Want is You"? Unfortunately, the only songs I like on this dreary album are the ones I've already heard.

And then the music bloggers and writers mislead us, heralding an album as an artist's best work,(i.e. Kanye) when it's really mediocre. Yall need to stop kissin up and lying to the ppl! I actually can't tell you the last good CD I bought - good in terms of having to skip very few tracks and being able to listen to it again and again. Maybe Wale's "Attention Deficit." Maybe Drake "Thank Me Later," which even had to grow on me.

I want to be grabbed, wowed and captivated til the end. When did music stop having high expectations for itself? I don't care if you're tired from touring, tweeting and trying to be everywhere at once. Stop stretching yourself so thin that you deliver a half-cooked product. And if the label won't let you? YOU'RE the artist, YOU'RE the commodity. Don't let them take away your voice! Assert yourself and give the fans what you know you're capable of and what we tell you we want. This thang should be a lil more democratic than it is. Cuz right now I feel like I'm being force fed major bull sh*t. I mean, seriously, half the songs on these albums nowadays, I'm like, did YOU even like that when you recorded it? Doesn't sound like it. You couldn't have been nodding your head like that sounded good, cuz u know it doesn't!

*Sigh* Monica let me down this year, Rick Ross underwhelmed me, Mike Posner was just a little better than OK, previewed "Pink Friday," and as much as I thought I wanted it, listening in advance was a good idea that saved me a few coins. Jazmine Sullivan, your second single is a yawn, and Miss Chrisette, what IS this woeful, messy single you've dropped an album off of?

This is coming from a place of love. I like you guys. I want you to be good. I want to be an active supporter. But I'm feeling more like a scorned ex. "Yall almost walked off wid alla my stuff"!

Take it Back!

2010-11-30T11:53:00.000-05:00

You'll be so surprised to learn what you can do if you just determine that you will try and get it right. Often it takes an external disappointment or anger to spur you to action.
For example, I went to the salon Saturday. I call myself going to a professional for help, since I (thought) I didn't know what to do with my hair. The stylist says, "The only thing you can do when your hair is this length is put weave in it."
I shoulda left right then. So she's like, "We'll figure something out. I can curl the front, but I just don't know what to do with the back of your hair." So at this point, it's like, I appreciate your honesty, but wth you mean? Clearly, I'd come to the wrong place.
So she came up with some whack, crunchy, spritzed-up situation. And yesterday I was so disgusted with it that I decided to fix it myself.
If you know me, you know my hair has been blonde, orange, yellow and bronze this year! So not only did I dye it back to black, but I curled it to perfection - hooked up the pin-curl look I've been trying to get the stylists to do, but they never seemed to get it. I can't tell you the last time I was so proud of myself. (I'm lying - Yes I can, last week when I made collard greens for the first time. After burning the first batch I came back with a vengeance and got it right!)
See, all you gotta do is put your mind to it!

Cliffhanger

2010-11-29T17:33:00.000-05:00

In all my years of going to church, yesterday was a first:

The pastor was giving this passionate sermon about the children of Israel wandering in the wilderness, and he was getting to the parts where they started "murmuring and complaining" and saying they should just go back to Egypt.

So he's like, "WHY would anyone want to turn back to bondage after tasting sweet freedom? I get so tired of people getting saved and I feed them and change their diaper spiritually and put it in so much work to help them grow and then they just turn back to where they came from. WHY oh WHY would anyone want to go back into sin?" etc etc

And he's jumping up and down and really just putting his all into it, and I'm like why why why? tell me?

And this man says, "I'll tell you why next week."

WHAAT?!!!! Pastor, what is this soap opera sermon u just preached?
If I hadn't enjoyed everything before then I would have been mad, especially since I know I have to work next week and won't be able to get the answer. It felt like watching a rerun of Fresh Prince where they played part 1 but didn't play part 2 right after it.

Deva's Christmas list

2010-11-22T10:55:00.001-05:00

In case you're wondering, here's what I'd like:

Coffee maker (Keurig would be nice, but I'm not picky)

Red pumps

2 packs of Bohyme french refined hair 1B

queen sized blanket

silver necklace

new windshield wiper blades

a warm jacket (in btw a heavy sweater and thick winter coat)

The Princess and the Frog DVD

an iPod

rain boots

a bubble umbrella

CDs by Miguel, Ladyhawke, Lily Allen, Adele, Phoenix, The Bird and the Bee and Regina Spektor

Just in case you had an especially prosperous year....

Mo-Mama!

2010-11-09T16:55:00.000-05:00

Ay, her hair looks like Robin Thicke's but it is tooo cute!

Glasses

2010-11-09T16:51:00.002-05:00

Hey all you girls who wear glasses:

Do you try to wear makeup at the same time? I really don't think people can see it when we wear eyeshadow and whatnot under our glasses.

Maybe I should address that question to the ppl who look at us all day.

For Colored Girls

2010-11-09T16:29:00.001-05:00

For the record, it wasn't as bad as it could have been - we've seen far worse from Tyler Perry.

But that's not my point. My sis just saw it and sent me thee craziest text message:

"The only good parts were the kids dying and the rape."

No, m'am, it must be Opposite Day. Those were actually the WORST parts. In addition to the Macy Gray cameo with Macy playing herself.

And then, becuz many atime we text faster than we think, she wrote:

"Oh yea I like when she slapped the dead racist."

(P.S. I think the young sister Nyla looks like Angela Simmons and Janet looked like Minnie Mouse)

Men

2010-11-09T16:24:00.000-05:00

I just had to share this. My bf and I had a fight recently where he decided he needed to talk about my weave. Here's a direct quote:

"You just look like a better person without it."

- Really? a better person??

Then later he looks at this (horrid) pic of Lauryn Hill with a (pretty) curly natural 'fro and says:

"See how clean you could look?"

smh. I had no words.

Is it Just Me?

2010-11-09T11:21:00.000-05:00

Does anyone else think the Time Warner Cable logo looks a little like The Eye of Horus?

DevaDonna.blogspot.com

Rules without Relationship

2010-10-27T19:51:00.000-04:00

"Rules without relationship always leads to rebellion. The only thing that tethers us is Love."

Coincidentally, I heard this on the radio right after I left a story about a church closing. I spoke with a young man who works with a group called Dirty Vagabond Ministries, and he said he focuses on teen outreach by visiting teens where they are, developing a relationship and" earning the right" to minister to them. For example, he goes to sporting events and to bus stops to bring the kids snacks before school and try to build rapport.
It's better than just bringing them in the church and preaching at them, he said, and that's not what Jesus did. He didn't have Bible studies and seminars, He went to people where they were.

Those words really resonated with me - his idea of building a relationship and letting ministry develop naturally. I think he's right. Ultimately, people just want to feel loved.

I've been really reflecting upon what draws people to a church and what keeps people in a church. We're in a trendy, superficial society that needs bells and whistles to catch people's attention. Ur church needs to have a Web site, and a text message sermon and a live Web stream and needs to be televised. You need to have lyrics posted on projectors and announcements via video and a ministry for every single population - the ski club ministry and the pet ministry and the married with kids ministry and the married without kids ministry, etc etc etc.

What if you have a smaller church that can't compete? (Because let's face it, times are tough, we got bills to pay so we need butts in seats, and it is a competition.) OK, to be more accurate, what if you have a smaller church that is simply fighting to sustain itself? I've been to big churches. It turned me off one day when I had to sit in the "overflow room" and watch church on TV. I could've done that at home - without having to pay an offering.

I guess you just have to wait for people to mature to a point where they realize that flashing lights are less important than finding a place where you feel the Love of God.

And all you need for that is...well, somewhere that teaches the full gospel of Christ. Doesn't matter the size of the sanctuary or the amenities they offer.

"The only thing that tethers us is Love."

The FAMUAN

2010-10-27T11:18:00.000-04:00

Jesus has been telling me to do this.

I just wanted to say to everyone on the staff of The Famuan, roughly between the years of 2004-2008, that it was a stressful (yet rewarding) place, and we all handle that stress differently. So I apologize if I was rude or b*tchy or snappy or whatever.
I didn't mean it.
I love you all.

Sorry.

Better late than never. Never late is better. (Just because those two statements should always accompany each other now.)

I Miss You

2010-10-27T10:40:00.000-04:00

Last weekend was ....different. Saturday night a friend invited me to a get-together at her apartment. Many of the young ladies there attended the same church, and I honestly can't think of much else that we talked about that night beyond the Lord.
I'm not used to young people talking about Him when we hang out. Some may call it weird, others could label it "refreshing."

The next day for work I was sent to cover a church's 100th anniversary. Now, celebrations like anniversaries (and pastor's birthday, and First Lady's birthday, etc) can make one feel like an outsider because it's really like a family reflecting on its history and what they enjoy about each other. At the same time, because it is such a joyous occasion, you feel a lot of love.

I say this to say that by the time my weekend ended, I concluded one thing: I miss Him. We all have to have that moment when we realize how much closer to God we can really stand to be. You may go to church every week - doesn't matter. Oddly enough, finding how much I miss His presence gave me a sense of peace - glad that I remember what His presence feels like, and glad that He'd like me to come back!

Fantasia For Real

2010-10-10T20:49:00.000-04:00

I half-watched the first season of Fantasia's show, and I'll be honest, I'm only watching this one for two reasons: Fantasia's hairdos and her crazy-a** brother, Teeny.

That man is a damn fool. One minute he's crying like a baby, talking about, "You ain't been the same towards me since you won 'The Idol!' " The next he's in somebody's house talkin bout, "Ooh yea, I can do something real sexy in here," while the homeowner looks on in horror and charging $5 for folk to go to his "Bossquerade" so he can pay his rent.

Really, he's embarrassing.I'm sure the cameramen and producers be in there having a field day with his crazy footage.
When I see stuff like him auditioning girls for a butt-naked car wash, I think, thank God that man is not related to me!
But I have to keep watching to see what he's going to do and say next.

It's DJ Kane, Stupid!

2010-10-07T17:41:00.000-04:00

Check out my friend, DJ Kane, mixin and scratchin on Ustream. (so yall can see he aint one of those mix CD DJs) The boy is bad y'all! Been rockin to him since....04(?) Dang.

2010-10-02T20:17:00.001-04:00

I found it funny that a sign at the Applebee's to go lot said 10 min max, but the waitress said there 'd be a 15 min wait.

My Brothers and My Sisters

2010-09-30T16:18:00.000-04:00

I just spoke with a community outreach coordinator for the art gallery of a large university in town. We were talking about Hispanic Heritage Family Day this Sunday, a free family event with lots of cultural activities.

She said the gallery holds free events like that all year long. Some are based on exhibitions at the gallery and some are culturally based, such as Asian-Pacific American Family Day. This Hispanic Family Day typically draws 1,600 folks. But the event that draws the lowest amount of people is Kwanzaa Day.

IDK if it's because the event takes place the last week of December when many people are traveling for the holidays. I have no clue - I'm not from here. But I think that's pretty telling. What incentive do they have to try to provide programming for African Americans if people don't really support it?

To be fair, she said about 800 people come out....but trust me, there are WAY more than 800 black people in this city. And while you might say 800 is still pretty good, it's half the figure for the Hispanic day, so, relatively speaking, that is low.

I'll be real, here - IDK if I would be all that interested in a Kwanzaa day...but if I had a family I might, and I'm always interested in free and enriching activities. I'm just saying - since I've been here I've heard people bemoan the lack of activities for "the kids" to do, which is why they're "running in the streets." Well, here's one!

Pilot Season Check-In

2010-09-30T15:28:00.000-04:00

If you couldn't tell by now, I <3 TV. Because of my varying schedule, I haven't been able to check out as many of the new fall shows as I had hoped, but the ones I have seen, unfortunately, were disappointing.

Specifically, I'm referring to "Detroit 187" on ABC and "Undercovers" on NBC.

I was hopeful for "Undercovers." It's a spy show where Boris Kodjoe and his wife have a catering company by day, but are lured into resuming their previous jobs as undercover agents. It could easily have been a couple of any race, so I guess we have to applaud NBC for being considerate enough to include us. They look great, by the way.

However, it just hasn't done a good job of holding my attention. Neither has the other one. I won't say they're bad shows. They've each only aired two episodes. I'm just saying they haven't been engaging thus far. And I kinda have a hunch that Boris and his wife were reactivated so that they can be killed. You heard it here first.

Last night I did catch "The Whole Truth" on ABC. It shows a court case from the sides of the prosecution and the defense, then reveals what actually happened. I've been waiting for a show like that! I liked it a lot. Hated Maura Tierney's haircut, though. And was anyone else not surprised that the prosecutor has "history" with the defense attorney? Kinda cliche. But I'm not mad.

FINALLY- a talk show I'll actually watch

2010-09-30T14:54:00.002-04:00

Which handsome and engaging (and sexually ambiguous) CNN anchor just inked a deal to launch a syndicated daytime talk show?

That parenthetical part was purely to help you narrow down the options, but the answer is my fav, ANDERSON COOPER!

As you can imagine, it's set to begin around the time Queen Oprah leaves daytime TV. He'll be the exec producer as well, which gives me hope it won't be as corny as some of the other shows out there.

"Over the course of the past few years, I've had the opportunity to work on a number of daytime programs," Anderson Cooper told THe Hollywood Reporter. "It's fun and interesting to work in daytime television. The format is unique and you can really go in-depth on a wide range of fascinating and compelling stories. With this new program I hope to relay important information and relate to people and the audience in a completely different way. It's an exciting opportunity to show another side of myself and create something worthwhile and special in daytime."

Don't anticipate it will be as funny as Ellen, but it should be more palatable (for me) than say, Tyra or Wendy or whomever else they pass shows out to these days.

He'll be busy though - in order to pull this deal off, Anderson had to re-up his CNN contract to contiune hosting 360 as well.

The Social Network

2010-09-30T14:12:00.000-04:00

I fell back in love with Justin Timberlake last night while he was on Jimmy Fallon's show to talk about his new movie, "The Social Network," which opens Friday. Justin and Jimmy did a crazy rendition of like 1,000 hip hop songs in like 2 minutes, accompanied by The Roots, of course. It was pretty cool.

But in light of the movie's opening, it reminded me to take a minute to gripe about social media.
I remember when Facebook was only open to college students. I remember my friend explaining it to me because it wasn't yet available at my unversity. When we finally got it, I recall being very excited to use it and connect with people from way back.

But now it's open to everybody, and you can't curse anymore or post pix from that party where you had too much to drink. You can't do this and you shouldn't do that because "you never know who's watching" and "employers check your page before they decide to interview you."

Gimme a break! Twitter lets you connect to even bigger-named ppl, so I suppose an extension of the same "manage your online persona" caveat applies there too, somewhat. That's too much work. Now I have to be fake online too??

It seems to me that the only place you can be yourself now is...in person. :)

Head Scratcher

2010-09-28T16:03:00.002-04:00

I heard Kanye West's G.O.O.D. Music (home of artists such as Common, John Legend, Kid Cudi and Big Sean) recently signed Mos Def: + and...

Charlie Wilson: ?

I'll have to double check that one.

The Bird and The Bee

2010-09-27T12:01:00.004-04:00

Years ago I interned at an ad agency - cuz clearly I'm old enuf to start sentences with "years ago" - and a very cool group came to the creative department and gave the agency a concert. (Who wouldn't want to work at a place that gives you concerts on your lunch break?)

I'd never heard of The Bird and The Bee before that day in 2007, but lucky for me, they also gave us all CDs.

If you like pop music that doesn't put you in the mind of strobe lights and fist pumping, if you could stand a momentary break from all the synth and bass, if you don't mind folk influences, ppl who play instruments, nice melodies and a lead singer who can - gasp! - sing pleasantly, then this group is worth checking out.

GAP Inc.

2010-09-27T11:04:00.003-04:00

Let me tell you how GAP hosed my life. IDK if I'm the only person in America, but I'm so done with skinny jeans, mainly because I can't wear them to work and also because EVERY store ONLY sells skinnys, so I'm rebelling at my lack of options.

So imagine how pleased I was to see a sale sign right underneath a stack of "sexy bootcut" jeans at GAP. I grabbed every wash and tried them on. Like I was expecting, they fit like they were made for me. (I worked there a couple years ago; they never let me down.)

But when I got up to the counter, they rang up for twice as much. I asked the cashier what the deal was, and he says, "OH, only the light wash is on sale."

In the words of Dave Chapelle, "GOTCHA B*TCH!"

"You Know When It's Real"

2010-09-27T10:08:00.003-04:00

Did I tell you Wendy's just blew me away?

You know how Panera has the You Pick Two where you can get half a salad, soup or sandwich? (and then they charge u more depending on if you want a sandwich that doesn't taste like you coulda made it at the house)

Well for like half the price (seriously, $4.99) you can get half a salad and pick your choice of:
a soft drink, bottled water, baked potato, cup of chili, chicken go wrap, nuggets or fries

and maybe sum other stuff I'm forgetting, but I think that's plain fantastic! And btw, they don't mean a little rinky-dink side salad, but one of their meal salads like the cobb salad or chicken ceaser.

One of the complaints ppl have is that eating healthier costs more than eating junk. Well, this deal is less than just about any other combo on the menu, from what I recall. I'm not a spokesperson for Wendy's, but I do appreciate this effort.

Yayy Wendy's!

Mad Men

2010-09-26T22:50:00.006-04:00

"Mad Men" on AMC is a show I knew I'd be interested in when I first heard of it, but I never actually remembered to tune in Sundays at 10 p.m. Because really, who just watches AMC like that? I don't even know the channel number.

I finally rented Season One from the library, and while I didn't finish it before I had to turn it back in, I was very surprised by the show and I liked it so much that i wish I weren't four seasons behind...cuz that's a lot of catching up to do, and I'm OCD about watching TV shows out of order. (also, I should add that the theme music is dope.)

BUT when I heard that Naturi Naughton was going to be on the show this Sunday, well I had to watch. Because, that show cares nothing about inclusion. Idk if they're just being historically accurate (I'm sure there were no black ad execs in Manhattan in the '60s) or what, but black people aren't seen on this show unless they're cleaning something up...

And to my surprise, she wasn't a maid! She actually has a real role and is a relationship with an old British man. Naturi must have a HELLUVA agent, because that's actually less plausible considering she's not even fair-skinned. I'm just being real, y'all. If it were like Halle Berry, or someone who could pass, (or even a bigger name actress, considering this is a FIRST) I'd buy it. But Naturi scored with this one. You GO gurl!

But did anyone else notice that Don Draper was looking at her like he was bewildered and disgusted??

Real and Chance

2010-09-26T19:18:00.003-04:00

This picture looks like an ad for a gay escort service.

Why does Vh1 keep putting those lames Real and Chance on TV?
More important, WHO'S watching them?

I'd rather watch a reality show with Tiger Woods and Bryant Gumbel.

Welcome to Coldstone!!!

2010-09-25T10:55:00.003-04:00

Friday night something happened that simply did not make sense to me. I'm just going to present the facts of this situation and let you provide any justification or excuses you like.

So my bf decides he'd like some Cold Stone ice cream a little after 10 p.m. We head to Cold Stone (/Tim Horton's) and go straight to the counter where you're supposed to order. There's a young lady behind the counter, mixing up some ice cream. She doesn't look up, doesn't say hi, I'll be with you in a moment - none of that. Then she turns around, goes to a table and fiddles with some stuff there. At this point I've decided that I'd like to taste a new flavor they have this month, and I'm hoping that soon she'll ask how she can help us.
No such luck. After a few minutes, she goes to the drive-thru window and passes some items outside. We're like, OK, she's done with them, maybe she'll come help us now.
Nope. She returns to the counter. Right in front of us. And starts cleaning up. She's scraping the table, head down, like we're not there, so my bf says (not in a loud tone, mind you) "You in a bad mood or something?"

She says,"huh?" Doesn't even look up. And keeps cleaning. At this point, I'm upset, I look at the bf and go, "Wowwww. Do you really still want ice cream from here?"
He says nothing. And then the lady turns her back to us, walks over to another table and starts cleaning over there and fiddling with some spoons. That's when it became clear to me that we weren't going to get any ice cream that night, and I left.

Ladies and gentlemen, there were several people in store with ice cream, which means she'd helped them not too long before. He and I were the only people in line, and he's very tall. So I know she saw us. And we stood there for at least 15 minutes - ample time to be acknowledged.

I really can't figure this one out. We both went to the car and sat there, stunned for a moment.

I've worked in retail. There've been times I had to straighten, answer phones, operate the register and help customers. I understand multitasking. But I was always taught to acknowledge a person in front of me. And I was NEVER taught that a potential customer should have to flag me down or beg me to assist them - so please don't ask why we didn't speak first. That's not our job. That's hers.

Downtown Driving

2010-09-16T13:49:00.002-04:00

Don't you hate when you can't make a left turn (btw like 9 a.m. and 6 p.m.) so then you figure you'll make a right turn at the next street...but you can't do that either?
And then the next street is a one way - not the way you want it to be?

I drove soo far out of my way yesterday; that's what I get for not staying in the office until 6.

Ahead of the Curve

2010-09-14T21:43:00.003-04:00

IDK if this is a brilliant move to get people engaged in newspapers again or another step closer to the end, but the New York Times has announced a project called The Local East Village. The goal is to cover the blocks that make up the Village by allowing any registered user of nytimes.com to suggest a story idea or cover a story through a Virtual Assignment Desk.

Courtesy its Web site:
"The Local is a journalistic collaboration designed to reflect the richness of the East Village, report on its issues and concerns, give voice to its people and create a space for our neighbors to tell stories about themselves. It is operated by the students and faculty of the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute at New York University, in collaboration with The New York Times, which provides supervision to ensure that the blog remains impartial, reporting-based, thorough and rooted in Times standards."

I do appreciate that it's not a community blog or free-for-all and will have to abide by journalistic standards. And I think it will be a fabulous way to get people logging on to read content. Perhaps it will be a model for other papers to follow, a way for the public to show editors what matters to readers and the people we want to be readers.
It will certainly allow readers to buy into an idea that the NY times is now "their paper," and will allow a sense of representation for a very unique community. But for journalists who make a living by writing, it might seem imposing that now any one with a computer will be able to get published in connection with one of the most respected papers in America.

This is SMART

2010-09-14T21:05:00.004-04:00

If you didn't know Univision and Telemundo do MAJOR numbers on television. In fact, I've been reading daily ratings reports where Univision shows performed better than shows on ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and the CW on a given night.
With their success, it's evident that there's a market that has been underserved and is willing to watch content with their interests in mind.
The Hollywood Reporter wrote today that Lionsgate has partnered with Televisa to unveil a new company, Pantellion Films.
They have a five-year deal to release about 10 films a year for the (50-million strong!) Hispanic market.

"AMC CEO Gerry Lopez said his chain will dedicate one to three screens at 52 theaters in markets with strong Latino audiences and try to "consistently market to an audience that's already coming." He said Hispanics on average make up more than 20% of AMC guests -- about one-third in some areas." --THR

Here's a link to their in-depth article:

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/news/e3id04ae3d9411a9f6b1cc7ce54480e2f65?pn=2

Obviously, there's truth to the prediction that Hispanics will be the largest minority, so being a leader in providing content to them is a good move and may open the doors for other companies to arise, or for mainstream companies to look at adding some selections for this demographic.

It's noteworthy that Lionsgate also distributes Tyler Perry's films, because Tyler has been showing Hollywood for years now that minorities DO show up for films that cater to them. And Tyler did put Sophia Vergara in his film "Meet the Browns." Now she plays Gloria on the hit ABC show "Modern Family" and her career has taken off!

Here's another quote from the THR article:

"One of the themes that his team heard in its research was that U.S. Hispanics want to be better represented on screen, Paul Presburger said. "The want to see themselves on the screen the way they see themselves," McNamara said. "They want to see [their own] as an ad exec or government employee, not just as drug dealer or maid." At the same time, Pantelion wants to avoid giving off an "I feel your pain" vibe or pander to audiences."

Hmmm..."they want to see themselves not just as drug dealer or maid"...or struggling single mom....or wanna-be rapper...or star athlete....
Sounds like sumthing another demographic has been saying for years...which companies are lining up to provide sumthing better for us? Please, Hollywood, don't think Tyler Perry is sufficiently filling the gap single-handedly. We are not that easily appeased.

But I digress...

Cougar Town

2010-09-14T15:22:00.002-04:00

Heard via TheYBF that Gabrielle Union is launching a clothing line.

I'm not a Gabi fan - think I've made this clear before in stronger language, lol - but I read her reasoning behind the line and if the price is right, I'll support.

She said her sister is a big gurl who has a hard time finding flattering clothes, and that not many lines are tailored to black women's bodiesin general.

However, theybf story said she's planning to go the QVC/HSN route, and I'm sorry I can't buy anything without trying it on first. And I don't see myself watching the Home Shopping Network, though I do know that MJB used it to sell her fragrance "My Life" and set that channel on fire!

Lessons Learned From the VMAs

2010-09-14T13:28:00.003-04:00

My Twitter feed, twitter.com/Devadonna, had my instant reactions to the VMAs Sunday night.
Now that my feelings are less involved, I'd like to share the nuggets I gleaned from the show:

1. The VMAs haven't been funny since Chris Rock used to host them. Yes, Chelsea Handler was bad. Yes, she might have messed it up for women going forward, but the men before her weren't that great, either.

2. There's a reason we've never seen Nicki Minaj dance - she can't. I thought she was whack when she just stood on stage, posed and touched her hair. (like Ashanti used to) Well, her dancing didn't engage me much more. And note to Nicki: Stop performing with your face! If I'm at your show in the balcony, I won't see all those strange expressions.

3. Justin Beiber is the future. We knew this already, but it's safe to say his performance was the best. Yes, better than Usher, (slightly). and Eminem. and anyone else you might consider a vet or pro.

4. I'm not watching the VMAs again. Not as long as Lady Gaga is nominated.

That is all.

Retraction

2010-09-13T11:00:00.001-04:00

A few months ago I wrote a post raving about this new face wash by St. Ives, the Naturally Clear Green Tea Cleanser. They also have a scrub, and I've been using both.

Well, I'd like to take all my compliments back because I've noticed recently that my face is discolored in places. Yes, there are spots where my face is noticeably lighter. And my usual oily and acne issues have returned, so now I'm back on the hunt for a gentle yet effective face wash.

:o(

Willow Smith

2010-09-12T17:47:00.004-04:00

In the wake of Willow Smith's rocket-speed momentum, I think it's time we search the annals of history and look at a case not too long ago.

You see, at one point, Teairra Marie was the first lady of the ROC. Then Jay-Z signed Rihanna and that other chick was promptly dropped on her ass.

Perhaps Sir Hov caught wind of the tweets and facebook posts declaring that with just one song, Willow Smith has whipped her hair and will whip Rihanna's ass right back to Barbados and out of the business.

Well, Rih at this point is more famous for her fashion than her music (which clearly Willow admires) which means she doesn't have to make music in order to be relevant.

But it's very noteworthy that Jay-Z signed Willow Smith last week. Looks like he said, "Whoa! This gurl might be a problem" and decided to nip that in the bud before competition could begin.

What I like about Willow's song is that, yes, it sounds like a song Rihanna would sing - except Willow actually sang it and sounded good as opposed to ...whatever it is that Rihanna does.

A New Concept

2010-09-12T16:34:00.003-04:00

I went to an interfaith service today in memory of 9/11, where people of various faiths spoke about working together and respecting each other's beliefs in light of recent hate-mongering events that have taken place. The last speaker's words really got me thinking.

The gentleman, who is 19 and is Muslim, said he was reading a book by Mahatma Gandhi that spoke about tolerance. "Tolerance" is not enough, the speaker said, because it still implies an air of superiority. "We'll tolerate your religion" is the same as saying those other faiths are inferior. He instead mentioned a concept called ahimsa, which means to do no harm -- not even with your thoughts.

In essence, we need to transcend tolerance to reach a level of acceptance where we accord to other religions the same amount of respect that we give to our own.

That's a good idea, I thought. But wait: those of us who believe a certain religion do so because we think what we believe is thee right way. For instance, Christianity speaks of a straight and narrow path that few will find.

So with this in mind, is it really possible to give other religions the same level of respect that you give your own? I understand we can be intelligent enough to hear other ideas and whatnot, but if you believe your faith is the true faith, then how can you equally respect another religion?

Mashonda Still Goin

2010-09-06T19:16:00.003-04:00

I HAD to post this. Theybf.com has a portion of an interview in Sister 2 Sister magazine with Mashonda saying plain and clear that Alicia Keys is an adulteress. She said A.Keys was trying to make her son call her mommy as well as some other kid Swiss has with sum chick from England. I'm not Mashonda so no I don't have to take it so personally but this is just why I can't in good conscience f* with Alicia Keys anymore. I know ppl do stuff all day that is just as bad, but I'm tripping how hers came to light and well, her stature keeps growing like no one has heard a word Mashonda said. And for the record, Mashonda looks way better than Keys.

S2S: Were you guys dating other people before he got with Alicia? Were you guys separated?
Mashonda: We were married. Sleeping in the same bed and having sex every night while he was seeing Alicia. Okay? It was an affair. 100 percent. I don’t know why people want to change that rule so much. We had just had a kid, for crying out loud. Our child was 8 months. I found out about Alicia two days before my son turned 1. They had been doing their thing for months before that.

Is it Because Oprah's Leaving?

2010-09-06T14:37:00.003-04:00

You've probably heard that the Wendy Williams Show has fired its producer and had their hair and makeup team glam Wendy down a bit, but apparently they want her to reign her personality in as well.

Idk...Wendy is not the type of talk show host who appeals to soccer moms, and you can tell that by the studio audience, which looks to primarily be young women and gays, as well as by the fact that her show did well when it was tested in certain markets. (like Detroit, for example)

I understand Oprah's exit leaves a huge audience that can be taken advantage of, but Wendy isn't the woman to do it. But we all know there aren't many things that'll make a person change faster than money. If Wendy plays along, though, I think it'll be a great disservice to her fans, who love that she is both fabulous and messy.

However in the grand scheme of things, I think it was naive of Wendy to think she could really be herself on network television. We've seen this happen so many times H(ask Dave Chapelle, Kevin hart, Keenan Ivory Wayans, etc, etc) where they sign u up as you are for a minute and then force you to change.

Chain Reaction (of the Recession)

2010-09-06T14:28:00.003-04:00

So get this:

Burger King has been sold to an investment group backed by a bunch of Brazilian investors because supposedly, BK is having a harder time recovering from the recession than Mickey D's.

But here's the reason why: "Burger King’s heavy user -- young, male, and more likely to be a minority -- has had a higher rate of unemployment than the McDonald’s consumer,” analyst Tom Forte of New York- based Telsey Advisory Group told Bloomberg.

I didn't know the fast food chains had diff demographics or whatever, but I guess that McCafe upgrade paid off...

http://www.tvweek.com/blogs/tvbizwire/2010/09/burger-king-sold.php